Can We Meet Half Way?
by Kurayami-ni-Koorime
Summary: Hiei 1st person; when someone offers friendship, would you be willing to take it? Naivety and innocence might not be the same, but can they be confused for each other? Slight fluffAngst Slight KxH shounen ai


This can be taken as shounen-ai or it could just be the way two friends who care for each other deeply act out their care for the other. Take it how you wish, flames will be used to warm my really cold toes.

**Disclaimer: Has anyone heard the new Avril Lavigne Sound track? I love nuber two...**

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"Are you sure you don't want to come sleep up here with me Hiei?"

I cant do anything but glare up at him; one because I'm lying on the floor and two because if I say anything I might offend him.

A couple of minutes pass before I hear his deflated huff and the rustle of sheets as he turns to get settled in for the night.

Not tonight fox, you'll have to work much harder than that to get me.

I shift as well, but only after I know the red headed human is fast asleep. He insists that I don't sleep with my katana and that I sleep lying down as opposed to my normal preference; a tree. Why? I don't know. I know that I've asked him that once and he went on and on about something or another pertaining to my back. I really only listened to the first few sentences.

I know the real reason why he wants me in his room anyways. Its not because of any aches or pains I might have if I _don't _sleep in here.

I turn over to face the bed that Kurama is currently sedated on; his even breathing telling me that he is indeed asleep and not waiting for me to be the first to slip into unconsciousness.

I know why he wants me around, its the same reason that they wanted me around. Its the same reason they all wanted me around.

I'll hurt myself my ass. How many times have I ever fallen off balance whilst around you?

Kurama, you live in the world of ningens now; nothing bad happens here. There are rules and morals... your return to the Makai has been long since overdue.

You must have forgotten what life as an abandoned child could be like in the Makai; or wait, you never were one were you? Hah... yes, stupid fucking me, how could I have forgotten? You are the great Youko Kurama. You've never known what the word alone meant, did you? You've never had to wonder what it would feel like to be safe in your own skin, did you?

No, because you were an accepted part of life; you were an unusually common part of life.

Taboo isn't something that I wear with pride; forbidden isn't something that I take with a smile. Don't any of you ever think twice as to why I've never once smiled at you?

Never once a smile, maybe a grin or a smirk if you were quick witted enough to catch my interest but never a smile.

But its not your problem, because you aren't the one who made this come to me; this isn't your problem right? What, isn't that the Youko way of dealing with things? If it doesn't affect me than don't fuck with it?

I feel a sardonic grin tug at my lips.

Oh, my words never cease to amaze me...

Maybe that's where I pegged you Youko's wrong; your motto must be 'if it doesn't affect me fuck it and then leave it alone.'

So why haven't you just gone and done it yet?! Why do you make me sit here night after night pondering on what the hell goes through your head?!

Do you think Ningen morals apply to a Youko disguised as one of these lowly creatures? Is that it? You don't want to, what do they call it, "Take my innocence?" Yeah that's it, you don't want to take my innocence?

Please, you wouldn't be the first. You wouldn't be the second or third or any where close to being able to claim yourself as one of the 'privileged few'. Don't you see? There's no innocence left to take.

My innocence has long since fled, leaving me in this cold hard shell you all have grown so accustomed to.

I'm not innocent nor am I naive. I know what it means when you brush our hands together. I know where your eyes rove when we fight. I know why you come out of the bath with little more than shame on when you know perfectly well that I'm there.

You've seen my body, you've bandaged me and you've never once taken advantage of me.

I feel my knees coming up to curl into me, uncomfortable with the knowledge that I have to live with.

Why didn't you just take me then and there? All those times you had me to yourself you could have taken me the way your eyes constantly tell me you want to; but you didn't. Do you expect gratitude from me? Do you?!

Don't you know that I'll never come to you?

My chest hurts as I tell myself this over and over again.

I wont ever come to you. You make it all too confusing. I wont ever come to you.

You make it so confusing; all the others simply told me what they were going to do and did it, leaving me afterwards in my agonizingly sweet ignorance. They would all fade into one looming shadow, permanently attached onto my soul but never showing any distinctive feature or resemblance to the other; always there but never seen.

Not you... you stay for all the times I've pushed you away and told you off. You stay for all the times I've shown my incompetence and gotten injured. You stay for all the times I've shown my simple philosophies, scoffing at the twisted logic you abide by.

You look at me and smile while your eyes remain hungry. You tell me of wrongs I've committed that were not for me to be ashamed of and yet you sulk for the same wrongs of which you have committed. And finally you tell me of this friendship.

I won't sub come to you and your twisted logic, your so called friendship. I won't ever come to you.

You say friends go to the park together and yet all I see are your humans consumed by the illusion of love. You say friends stay with each other forever but I'm only reminded of lovers when it comes from you. You say care and love are something friends give each other; these are not friends you speak of, you speak of lovers my friend.

I am not your lover, I am no ones lover. Love is not permitted to the forbidden child.

My chest starts to ache harder as I'm brought back to thoughts of myself.

I'm so lonely I don't even want to be with myself any more, so how can you want to be "friends" with one such as I?

Is it because you care? Is it because you lie? You know I won't ever come to you. Don't make me...

I'm climbing under the big green comforter of your bed as the hollow in my stomach aches, making me miss the warm beat of my heart.

I won't come to you; you know that I will never come to you.

You smile and I know it because you're always smiling at me; forever happy at my presence as you turn to come to me.

You come to me because you know that I won't come to you. I won't ever come to you.

"Thanks Hiei." You say in that husky way that sleep brings to your voice. By now I have memorized everything you say to me. Next you'll tell me how this makes you feel better, that you don't like me sleeping on the floor.

"This makes me feel better than having you sleep.." You yawn and come closer to me. "On the floor."

See? I know you... and maybe... maybe you know a little of me. As you hesitate to put your arms around me I'm given the thought that maybe you might know something of how I am.

You know I'll never come to you but...

I will not say anything, and no one will ever know of this. Kurama has a life of his own and mine is separate, we live in different worlds and see things too differently. We are separate in the sense that we are always together. Together we long for something more, we seek release from the different trials in our lives and together we give what the other needs.

I reach back and close my hand around yours; somehow you know what I mean by these little things, you know that I've given you the gift of release.

I just want to feel safe in my own skin... I just want to be happy again... You give me all of this, and if you can take me away from myself I will give you release from your own sins.

So maybe I won't ever come to you... Maybe you won't ever have me the way others have, but you have me in a way no one else ever will. Maybe just this time, like all the times before...

We can meet each other half way.

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Right... I had two beta's read this and lost one of theirs. Gomen nasai S-san!

Note: Friends DO go to the park together, they DO stay in touch with each other forever (...sometimes) and there is a strong bond of love and care that friends DO have together; Hiei could just be cynical or he could be misinterperting things from Kurama. D take it how you like.


End file.
